Possibly from the same microphallus sufferers who brought us the concealed carry hoodie, comes the concealed carry Dad jeans.
No, that’s not a joke. Retail: $149. It’s a holster that’s built into a pair of shitty pleated blue jeans. I assume the zippered compartment is a convenient place to stow your sense of pride and self-esteem.
Seriously, this is hilarious:
There’s a new entrant in the burgeoning concealed-weapon fashion industry. American Tactical Apparel, out of Houston, Texas, makes clothing for “professional door kickers, special responders, and everyday superheroes.”
The brainchild of Brian Hoffner, a long-time Houston police officer and self-described “kind of a renaissance man,” ATA offers Demin pants, khaki pants, and khaki shorts, all made with zippers for easy access to the company’s custom covert thigh holster.
“There is NO BETTER WAY to secretly carry your pistol and equipment,” the company says on its website. “These pants are engineered for battle, and for everyday operating. For warriors, by warriors.”
Garments “engineered for battle” are typically worn by trained service people operating in places like Afghanistan, not by impotent soccer-dads operating in the frozen food aisle.
Warriors my ass. People who feel like they have to have a gun on them at all times would wet themselves if they were ever confronted by something that could actually shoot back at them.
You may think that when you buy a Butterball turkey this Thanksgiving you’re as American as apple pie. But, you’d be wrong. In fact, you’re the victim of a “stealth halal” conspiracy!
