Darth Hater

Since there is apparently no justice in the world, Dick Cheney is still alive. He’s still alive and the Bush administration’s most visible and tenacious historical revisionist when it comes to the tactics employed in the Global War on Terror. For this purpose, Cheney was thawed from his cryo-chamber and wheeled out from his undisclosed location for an appearance on NBC’s Meet the Press on Sunday.

I’ve watched many of Cheney’s television interviews over the years, and this one was probably his most psychotic, mainly because he was less guarded and less political than previous spots, highlighting how dreadfully cold and unapologetically malevolent he really is. For the sake of posterity, and to make sure his backwards, immoral revisionism is squelched with full force, let’s go through the worst of the worst from Sunday’s appearance.

“We were very careful to stop short of torture.”

What Cheney is essentially saying here is that his “enhanced interrogation techniques” (EITs) were almost torture, but not quite torture. In other words, we didn’t yank out any fingernails (that we know of) or employ the “Pear of Anguish” (Google it), but forcing a detainee to stand on broken feet for hours, and shoving a tubes up a detainee’s anus and pumping food through it apparently stops short of torture in his mind. Riiiiight.

Dick Cheney, John Yoo, the Office of Legal Counsel and the other administration architects of the EIT program somehow discovered a threshold between torture and almost torture and it sounds like a completely arbitrary one. Their “almost torture” didn’t quite look like Game of Thrones torture with flaying or rats or castration, so it wasn’t quite torture.

“All of the techniques that were authorized by the president were in effect blessed by the Justice Department opinion that we could go forward with those [EITs] without in fact committing torture.”

“Our Justice Department said it was OK.” Well isn’t that fucking convenient? Also, notice that Cheney takes no responsibility for the decision while hurling Bush and the DOJ under a bus. So much for the party of personal responsibility.

Chuck Todd asks Cheney again if the rectal “feeding” meets Cheney’s definition of torture, and Cheney reiterated, “It’s what 19 guys armed with airline tickets and box cutters did to 3,000 Americans on 9/11.”

It’s difficult for me to think of a greater example of cowardice than Dick Cheney using the victims of 9/11 as human shields against accusations of war crimes.

“I believe [the rectal feeding] was done for medical reasons.”


Dr. Cheney, MD claims that he read the report, but the experts cited in the report say that there wasn’t any medical necessity for rectal feeding/hydration. Not that experts are really required, you don’t need a medical degree to know that you can’t ingest food and water through your asshole.

Although given how much shit comes out of Dick Cheney’s mouth, I can understand why he might find the mechanics of the human digestive system confusing.

Chuck Todd describes how Abu Zubaydah was kept in a coffin-sized box for 266 hours, and an even smaller box (21 inches wide, 2.5 feet deep, 2.5 feet high) for 29 hours. Cheney says: “I think that in fact was one of the approved techniques.”

I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like torture. Zubayhad didn’t know whether he was going to be buried alive (torture) or how long he’d be confined in those boxes (also torture). That’s on top of being crammed in the box in the first place, which certainly would’ve driven me insane. Seriously. I would’ve come out of those boxes a drooling, catatonic mess.

This was approved by the Bush administration as a legitimate means of “interrogation?” I don’t care how guilty or how evil Abu Zubayhad was, America is supposed be better than the people we’re fighting against and this is exactly the kind of degenerate, medieval shit they engage in.

Chuck Todd lists the names of detainees who were tortured but were innocent, along with the man who was mistakenly detained, then “doused with water” and chained to the floor where he froze to death. This was Cheney’s immediate response: “But, uh, the problem I have is with all the folks that we did release that end up back on the battlefield.”

No problem with innocent people we detained, tortured, and in some cases murdered? Could that perhaps have something to do with released detainees being eager to join in battle against us? Also, it’s a matter of record that the Bush administration transferred/released over 500 detainees from Guantanamo. Cheney naturally didn’t mention that.

Todd notes that 25 percent of the detainees were innocent. Cheney: “I have no problem as long as we achieve our objective, and our objective is to get the guys who did 9/11 and it is to avoid another attack against the United States.”

Well if morality, international law, or innocence isn’t a problem, why don’t we kidnap the wives of world leaders and demand ransom? Or we could detain our opponents and behead them on YouTube. Or why stop at threatening to rape the family members of detainees and actually do it? Hey, as long as we’re “protecting our interests” it’s all gravy right? Screw morality. Screw the law.

“It worked. For 13 years we’ve avoided another mass casualty attack against the United States.”

Is this is because of EITs? No of course not. There’s a lengthy roster of effective reasons for the absence of another 9/11, but Dick Cheney somehow thinks that his torture program.

Dozens of expert interrogators have said torture is an ineffective means of gathering intelligence. This is mainly because torture is not a means of gathering intelligence. Historically, torture is used to force people to say what you want them to say: Admitting to being a witch, “converting” to another religion, publicly denouncing the actions of one’s own country, etc. The idea that torture provides actual intelligence is a product of TV and movies.

In short: Dick Cheney is a degenerate scumbag. To quote John Stewart, “George W. Bush, thank you for not dying while you were in office.”

Fifth Victim of Marysville High School Shooting Dies

Last Friday November the 7th, another child died as a result of the school shooting that occurred on October 24th at Marysville-Pilchuck High School.

Harborview Medical Center in Seattle said 15-year-old Andrew Fryberg died Friday evening of his wounds. […]

We express our thanks for the amazing support from the community, as well as from everyone around the world that have been praying for us all through this tragic event,” Andrew Fryberg’s family said in a statement released by the hospital. The family also thanked “all the amazing staff” who cared for the boy in Harborview’s pediatric intensive care unit. The relatives asked for privacy.

Gia Soriano, 14, died Oct. 26 at Providence Regional Medical Center in Everett and 14-year-old Shaylee Chuckulnaskit died Oct. 31 at the Everett hospital. Thursday, 14-year-old Nate Hatch was released from Harborview and returned home. He had been shot in the jaw.

It’s important to remember however, that Anita Sarkeesian is the real victim of this tragedy. After all, people on Twitter were mean to her after she tried to use the victims as props in her crusade against The Patriarchy ™, oh and to promote books, all mere hours after the news broke.

The Associated Press reports that Andrew Fryberg was the last victim who remained hospitalized, meaning the final death toll of the Marysville-Pilchuck High School shooting will likely stop at five.

Ray Rice Axed by Ravens

The Baltimore Ravens announced earlier today that they have terminated running back Ray Rice’s contract hours after new disturbing video footage was released by TMZ of him punching his then-fiancee, Janay Palmer back in February.

Shortly after the Ravens announced the termination of Rice’s contract, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the two-game suspension had been upgraded to an indefinite suspension.

Following the backlash to the initial two-game suspension levied by the NFL, Goodell announced changes to the league’s policy on domestic violence in August. A first offense would result a six-game ban under the personal conduct policy with players who commit a second offense being banned for life. In a letter to owners, he seemed to admit that the league had failed to adequately punish Rice.

“I didn’t get it right. Simply put, we have to do better. And we will,” he wrote, according to CNN.com.

In May, Janay Rice (yes, they actually got married in March) said that she deeply regretted the role that she played the night of the incident.

Damn, Ray Rice has achieved Dick Cheney levels of evil. Good riddance.