All Glory to Dear Leader

Well, it’s happening. The Washington, D.C., mayor and U.S. Park Police have confirmed that Donald Trump will be commandeering the 4th of July to give his own speech at the Lincoln Memorial. The formerly nonpartisan and blessedly uncontroversial holiday celebration, featuring one of the most-watched fireworks displays in the nation, is going to get a big ol’ dose of Trump’s comb-over crammed into it.

This isn’t going to go well…

This has been an obsession for Lord Dampnut. He wanted to have a gargantuan, North Korea-style military parade of tanks and missile launchers and whatnot. Once dissuaded from that, it was going to be a Veterans Day military parade, and since that, too, has proved to be a tough sell, he’s now settled on borrowing Washington, D.C.’s, Fourth of July celebration for his own purposes.

The fireworks display will be moved, because he wants it moved. There may or may not be additional “entertainers” added. The crowd control measures have to be completely redesigned to accommodate the moves, and law enforcement and the Secret Service will have to add as-of-yet-unknown restrictions and closures in order to allow The Gröpenführer to give an open-air speech in front of one of the nation’s most famous monuments.

And this all has to be ready by (checks notes), yup, July 4, less than a month from now.

A couple of obvious questions remain. 1) With Trump personally in charge of the details, will it be a very public wrecking of an event previously lauded for its organizational competence and widespread appeal? And 2) is there even the slightest possibility Trump can refrain from turning his supposed speech about America into a speech about the glory of Donald Trump and the vicious un-Americanness of his enemies?

The answers are 1) probably, and 2) not bloody likely.

If you plan on drinking that evening, start early.