Fappageddon 2 Cancelled due to Shenanigans

In news that must be truly devastating to “Fappening” enthusiasts, the nude photo leak threat targeting Emma Watson earlier this week has turned out to be a viral marketing hoax by a site calling itself Rantic Marketing. Rantic claims it wants to shut down 4chan, but the “social media marketing enterprise” may itself be a fraud.

Initially, the threats to release nude pictures of Emma Watson were reportedly posted on the anonymous, forum-based website 4chan, which has previously been the center of other celebrity photo hacks.

My thoughts at first were that it was a run-of-the-mill hoax. I figured that the 4chan poster was simply bluffing. It’s pretty inconceivable that 4chan would just sit on nude pictures of Emma Watson for weeks or even months waiting for an opportunity to blackmail her for…something. Turns out the truth may be even weirder.

The website surrounding the false leaks, EmmaYouAreNext.com, was threatening to release the nude photographs of the actress and included a countdown clock ending Saturday at midnight ET. The person who posted the website said it was in retaliation for Watson’s well-received speech that she gave at the United Nations on Sept. 20.

By midnight on Wednesday however, the EmmaYouAreNext URL was redirecting to Rantic Marketing’s website. Watson’s face and the countdown clock was replaced with a banner that says, “#shutdown4chan” and an open letter to President Barack Obama that claims celebrity publicists hired the marketing company to popularize a call for Internet censorship and the end of 4chan.

It is still unknown if Rantic Marketing is a even real company or if the Rantic website is simply another stunt in itself. Attempts by media outlets to reach out to Rantic via their email address on its website have only returned failure notices.

Rantic listed “Brad Cockingham,” which I’m just going to go ahead and assume is an alias,  as its CEO and founder, but no further information could be found.


csn9k8kA quick word or two about the nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and a number of other female celebrities now circulating online and the internet’s response to them.

So fucking what?

Breaking news everyone! Jennifer Lawrence has nipples! Really, what’s the difference between these celebrities’ breasts and any of the millions that come up when you type “boobs” into Google? It seems every few years another “scandal” hits: Some hacker obtains and releases private photos of a naked celebrity (or celebrities), and the citizens of the world go up in arms. As if Kate Upton’s breasts, unlike all the others in the world,  are made of pure sunshine that beams like the golden glow of Marcellus Wallace’s soul. No, they’re just breasts for fuck’s sake. Admittedly, Jennifer and Kate, as well as many of the others, are stunningly beautiful women, but it’s not like any of their tits are going to make you weep openly as if you had just seen the face of a god.

And while we’re on the subject, why does everyone react with anything approaching shock whenever one of the younger members of our society, especially the rich and powerful ones, goes off and does something as obscenely and wildly hedonistic as taking some nudies?

If I were rich and/or famous for whatever reason, there would be so many naked pictures of me floating around that people would actually be tired of seeing my cock. Partying naked in a Vegas hotel room with hot chicks? Fuck that. I’d be bungee jumping off the top of the Stratosphere Casino naked while screwing a hooker on the way down. I’m an ass now and I’m not even rich, if I were I’d be fucking insufferable.