The Dinosaurs Were Doing Fine

You know, until that whole asteroid thing.

Image result for dinosaurs asteroid

It’s probably fine…

Most paleontologists agree that the Chicxulub asteroid impact, possibly coupled with intense volcanic activity, wiped out non-avian dinosaurs (all dinosaurs except birds) at the end of the Cretaceous period, approximately 66 million years ago.

However, there is debate about whether dinosaurs were flourishing or whether they had already been in decline due to climate change. A new study that modeled the changing environment and dinosaur species distribution in North America suggests that dinosaurs were likely not in decline before the Chicxulub strike.

According to the study, dinosaurs as a whole were adaptable animals, capable of coping with the environmental changes and climatic fluctuations that happened during the last few million years of the Late Cretaceous. It suggests previous analyses have underestimated the number of species at the end of the Cretaceous period.

During the Cretaceous, North America was split in two by a large inland sea. In the western half there was a steady supply of sediment from the newly forming Rocky Mountains, which created good conditions for fossilizing dinosaurs once they died. The eastern half of the continent was characterized by conditions far less suitable for fossilization.

This means that far more dinosaur fossils are found in the western half of North America, and this fossil record is often used to suggest dinosaurs were in decline during the few million years before the asteroid strike.

However, instead of using the fossil record exclusively, the researchers employed ‘ecological niche modeling.’ This approach models which environmental conditions, such as temperature and rainfall, each species would need to survive. The scientists then mapped where these conditions would occur across the continent over time.

This allowed them to create a picture of where groups of dinosaur species could survive as conditions changed, rather than just where their fossils had been found. The team found habitats that could support dinosaur groups were actually more widespread at the end of the Cretaceous period, but that these were in areas less likely to preserve fossils.

The findings appear in the journal Nature Communications.

Shocking Discovery: Study Finds Men Want Women in Their Mid-20s

The great Wooderson once said that what he loved about high school girls was that as he got older they stayed the same age. Given the fondness with which this statement-of-purpose is regarded by an entire generation of American men, it should give you some idea that guys are, at their core, simple, stupid creatures. We’re basically dogs taught to speak, walk upright and not shit on the floor (most of the time).

When it comes to sex in particular there’s not a whole lot going on between our ears that wasn’t put there by thousands of years of evolution. And yet every once in a while some literal genius comes along and spends time and money on a study meant to decode us like there’s an elegant fibonacci spiral at our core rather than a rusty hamster wheel and an open bag of three-week-old Funyuns.

The latest in these largely worthless forays into the mind and penis of the human male is a study conducted by the Academy of Finland, a governmental body that funds research in the public interest. Scientists there “discovered” that heterosexual men, no matter their age, are hardwired to want to have sex with the same type of woman, namely women in their mid-20s.

Basically, if you’re a 17-year-old guy, you want to do it with an older woman (a woman in her mid-20s) and if you’re a 47-year-old guy, you want to do it with a younger woman (a woman in her mid-20s). But then, you probably already knew that sicne you’re at least observant enough to read.

Researchers say the mid-20s represent the sweet spot for men because something something biology and a desire to find the most fertile female in which to insert their seed. While this still doesn’t explain the popularity of bukkake porn, it makes as much sense as anything else, I guess.

As for women, and again to the surprise of absolutely no one, the study finds that they tend to prefer men who are their own age or slightly older because they’re evolutionarily  programmed to seek out those with more “resources” who act as providers. What this means is that women have the upper hand when it comes to mating because men have sex based on the woman’s necessities rather than their own ideals.

This study was published in the Journal of Shit You Don’t Need a Degree To Know.