Harry Potter Redeux

Grace Ann is a conservative Christian mother (and possible troll) in the process of rewriting Harry Potter into ‘Hogwarts School Of Prayer And Miracles’, a God-fearing tale her kids can read without turning into witches. Because you know, that’s totally been happening to other children. Presumably, she has read the Harry Potter books and has managed to avoid turning into a witch, maybe it only affects children. Check out her introduction while I go pound my head against the nearest desk:

Hello, friends! My name is Grace Ann. I’m new to this whole fanfiction thing; but recently, I’ve encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to. My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I’m happy for them to be reading; but I don’t want them turning into witches! So I thought….. why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly? And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem? So-Ta da! Here it is! I am SO excited to share this with all of you!

She’s already completed the first seven chapters of the first book so far, and let me tell you,  they’re something else. The book starts with Hagrid coming to rescue Harry from his atheist aunt and uncle who just taught Harry about evolution (gasp!), then it goes downhill from there. You can read all seven chapters that are finished HERE.

Oh, her poor kids. You think she lets them watch Lord of the Rings? Because I’ve got the feeling she probably doesn’t. Still, I’m sure they’ll grow up to be fine, well-adjusted young adults. “Wanna come over for a sleepover?!” Absolutely not, your mom is nuts.

Did Cold Weather Cause the Salem Witch Trials?

Historical records indicate that, worldwide, witch hunts occur more often during cold periods, possibly because people look for scapegoats to blame for crop failures and general economic hardship. Fitting this pattern, scholars argue that cold weather may have spurred the infamous Salem witch trials in 1692.

The theory, first laid out by the economist Emily Oster in her senior thesis at Harvard University a decade ago, holds that the most active era of witchcraft trials in Europe coincided with a 400+ year period of lower-than-average temperatures known to climatologists as the “little ice age.” Oster suggested that as the climate varied from year to year during this cold period, lower temperatures correlated with higher numbers of witchcraft accusations.

The correlation may not be surprising in light of textual evidence from the period: popes and scholars alike clearly believed witches were capable of controlling the weather, and therefore crippling food production.

The Salem witch trials fell within an extreme cold spell that lasted from 1680 to 1730, one of the chilliest segments of the little ice age. The notion that weather may have instigated those trials is being revived by Salem State University historian Tad Baker in his book, A Storm of Witchcraft (Oxford University Press, 2013). Building on Oster’s thesis, Baker found clues in diaries and sermons that suggest a harsh New England winter really may have set the stage for accusations of witchcraft.

According to the Salem News, one clue is a document that mentions a key player in the Salem drama, Rev. Samuel Parris, whose daughter Betty was the first to become ill in the winter of 1691-1692 because of supposed witchcraft. In that document, “Rev. Parris is arguing with his parish over the wood supply,” Baker said. A winter fuel shortage would have made for a fairly miserable colonial home, and the higher the misery quotient, the more likely you are to see witches.

Psychology obviously played an important role in the Salem events; the young girls who accused their fellow townsfolk of witchcraft are believed to have been suffering from a strange psychological condition known as mass hysteria. However, the new theory suggests the hysteria may have sprung from dire economic conditions.

Weather patterns continue to trigger witchcraft accusations even today in many parts of Africa, where witch killings persist thanks to Christian missionary work. According to a 2003 analysis by the Berkeley economist Edward Miguel, extreme rainfall, either too much or too little, coincides with a significant increase in the number of witch killings in Tanzania. The victim is typically the oldest woman in a household, killed by her own family.